I'm sitting here in the airport waiting for Ryan to land. This has been the longest time I have ever been away from my baby! I feel like I am jumping out of my skin, so excited to wrap my arms around my little boy!! I hate what he has to go through and all I can hope is this separation with us is only temporary. He needs his mommy and I need his sensitive, loving, caring spirit around me on a regular basis. We have been through so much together. If it weren't for him I wouldn't be who I am today. When he made me a mother for the first time, it changed my life. For the first time I wanted to do better, be better and give him the world. I love him more than I love myself. He is the reason I wanted to change my life. I want to lead him by example down the paths of life that will bring him the most joy and happiness.
This little boy deserves the world and I hope to be there for him- whether near or far. I want to be the person and mother he needs me to be.
This plane can not land soon enough!!!
Friday, September 16, 2016
Ryan's first official visit to San Diego
Monday, September 5, 2016
Relocating to San Diego
We have finally moved to San Diego and have been here for 1 month. Mikayla is almost 19 and Kylee is 15, both live with their mother in El Dorado County. My hopes were to have Ryan down here. I never thought it would turn into the nightmare court battle that is has.
Ryan is now 11 and is living in EDC with his dad until we go through the long court process, all which is ugly and so emotionally and physically draining on everyone. I can't imagine what my little guy is going through and it is the part that breaks my heart the most. I went jogging this morning and heard the most amazing talk by Elder Holland. I know it was Heavenly Father speaking directly to me. It gave me the hope and motivation that I so desperately needed to keep moving forward. I know everything happens for a reason and I look forward to looking back on this time to see where I grew in my life and in what the Lord saw that I needed to become a better person, a better mother, a better friend, a better daughter, and a better sibling.
My goal is to start journaling my experiences through this difficult time so I can look back and get strength for the future things I may need to go through in life.
Ryan is now 11 and is living in EDC with his dad until we go through the long court process, all which is ugly and so emotionally and physically draining on everyone. I can't imagine what my little guy is going through and it is the part that breaks my heart the most. I went jogging this morning and heard the most amazing talk by Elder Holland. I know it was Heavenly Father speaking directly to me. It gave me the hope and motivation that I so desperately needed to keep moving forward. I know everything happens for a reason and I look forward to looking back on this time to see where I grew in my life and in what the Lord saw that I needed to become a better person, a better mother, a better friend, a better daughter, and a better sibling.
My goal is to start journaling my experiences through this difficult time so I can look back and get strength for the future things I may need to go through in life.
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